Heart Break

I am sure that most of you reading this think you already know what its going to be about, some sappy love story that takes a turn for the worst...NOPE thats not it and believe it or not I wish it were I wish I was going to be telling you some sad teenage memoir of my first love.....

On Saturday October 10 2009 my heart broke...that was the day I found my cousin Collin T. Rochester Jr. laying in a hospital bed with his head wrapped in bandages and tubes coming from everywhere. I was stunned I stood at his bedside and quietly whispered his name...I waited for him to respond but there was nothing!!! I assumed I had spoken to low and needed to speak a little louder in order for him to hear me... so I did in a tone just a bit louder I called out his name "Tashari" that is what our family affectionately called him....but still nothing. I wanted to hear his voice I wanted the silence that existed between us to end even if it was just a brief faint response.. A nurse walked over to me, I guess she began to notice my growing distress, I frantically asked her what was wrong. I felt so filled with fear, I was fearful to hear her response...but regardless whatever the situation was I just knew he was going to be okay I had made it up in my mind that he wasnt responding because they had him on some heavy dose of medication that was preventing him from communicating with me. Her answer to my question sent my mind into a world wind "Have a seat Ms. Blake I am going to send the Dr. in to speak with you" I lost my mind!!! I knew what that meant I had watched enough ER and Discovery Health Channel to know that was not a good sign something was terribly wrong. After what seemed to be an eternity of all his medical phrases and banter I heard I am so sorry to tell you that "his prognosis is very poor" I remember feeling like something had hit me really hard in my chest... like I couldnt catch my breath my legs went limp..this was all a mistake some terrible terrible mix up I had to look at him one more time I must have identified the wrong person that couldnt have been Tashari I made a mistake. I would apologize to the Nurses and Doctors and other members of their staff for wasting their time I had made a terrible mistake, the Nurse walked back over to his bedside with me and when I began to look uncertain she held up his right hand and there it was a tattoo he had gotten a few years back with his musician name on it "Shartraxx"he loved music he lived it breathed it he didnt care about anything else as long as he had his music. In that moment she ripped any hope that I had away from me I could not deny it..it was him it was Tashari.....I had told my grandmother once many years ago I was probably around 12 years old "I would cut my arms off for him" referring to Tashari. I know when you hear the term cousin you may think close family, kids that grow up together, go to each other's birthdays, yadda yadda yadda...In my family cousins mean soo much more they are like your brothers and sisters and Tashari was the only brother I had ever known especially since we were the same age(21) we had gone through all the phases of life simultaneously we had our first crushes around the same time our first alcoholic beverage at the same time lol we went to the same school....we even slept in same bed at times not because we had to but just because we enjoyed each others company. He was my cousin yes but he was so much more to me he was a brother he was my bestfriend and that day i lost them all at the very same time...

Unfortunately I cannot continue with writing this all out tonite well its technically morning 5:53 to be exact and I have tapped into a set of emotions that are very draining

Think About This: Love like tomorrow may never come, let go of the anger, make sure you forgive

Nardia Blake